• silentnight •

I hate mood swing but what to do. It keeps following me and I don't like it! This is one of the tough task one can face - fighting with your own emotions! f***! I should learn to control my feelings instead of letting it to lead me! Hate myself for being so pessimistic! P-E-S-S-I-M-I-S-M, I don't want you in my life! Leave me!! Leave me please!!! :(
*
Have you ever had the feelings of being forced to blame yourself when you can blame on nobody? I mean sometimes you can hardly blame anyone but you think that there should be someone to put the blame on. As a result, you spin around, round and round then finally back to yourself? I wonder why I like to blame myself. This is the best way to make no one(excluding myself) hurts, perhaps.
*
I always confuse myself with my own feelings. I can still smile and laugh when I actually very sad. In contrast, I can be very moody while actually there's nothing to be sad of.
Is it because..
-"You don't want anyone to worry about you so you are finding ways to pretend?" OR
-"You don't want people asking you what's going on with you so you prefer pretending?" OR
-"You worry that nobody will feel the same way as you do so you choose to pretend?"
-"You don't even know what's going on so you would rather pretend?"
Questions and answers are floating in my mind. To be frank, I can be extremely pessimistic when I'm not in the mood or something does not go on the way I wanted it to. *knockin my head* Wake up please! It's not the end of the world la.... Duh!!
*
I realized I cannot be alone. Well, it's the fact I already knew in ages actually. It's not to say that I don't like to stay home. I love staying at my own comfortable and secure space but not home alone la please! I don't like to face all these devices alone. They will entertain you?ya, sometimes. However, they will not give you response and interact with you okay?(no offense)
*
I love being busy, full stop.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------